


Why can't it be me?

by cinabunbun



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Emotional, I'm terrible, M/M, aH I DONT KNOW, but dont worry, i made them cry, i'll try a happy ending????, i'm hurt, i'm sososososo sorry 2park
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-26
Updated: 2017-11-26
Packaged: 2019-02-07 02:16:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12831171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cinabunbun/pseuds/cinabunbun
Summary: He waited, but he guessed he should've made the first move.





	1. Selfish

**Author's Note:**

> i'm sorry this is so sad pls dont blame me if ur tissues run out iM SORRY

**_i was afraid_ **

**_afraid you won't feel the same_ **

**_so i waited_ **

 

* * *

 

 

Winter. Winter is beautiful. But he never liked it. Jihoon sighed as he felt the cold weather getting colder each second. He liked winter, just not the cold. There's a big difference. He reached for his hot pack but it wasn't enough. It was his stupidity to agree on hanging out with Woojin in winter. 

 

_But it was Woojin._

 

He didn't know how, and when, but he fell for the ever-so-dazzling Park Woojin. His bestfriend since they were in matching cribs. It was stupid, he was stupid. He was sure Woojin only thought of him as a brother or just  _bestfriend._ And yet he had the audacity to fall for him. 

 

But he hated the fact he thought it was stupid. He hated the fact of regretting he ever liked Woojin. He hated the thought of him not liking his bestfriend. He hated the fact that he was  _just his bestfriend._ Oh, how he hated the world. 

 

"Did I make you wait so long?" He heard a familiar voice, deep and a bit husky, in his ears and it was more than enough to make his heart burst. "By long you mean, me, freezing to death while waiting for my idiotic bestfriend, then yes. I did." He rolled his eyes, pretending to be annoyed when he was hurting deep down. "Sorry, I just had some errands to run. But, let's go?" He grinned, the grin that showed his snaggletooth that Jihoon loved so much. In fact, he was the one who suggested not to fix it since it looked so cute. And it made Woojin's smile more... special and endearing. 

 

"Okay. But you're treating me hot chocolate." Jihoon pouted and crosses his arms, expecting Woojin to do the usual 'pinching his cheeks and smiling and then making Jihoon fall for him even more' but none of it came. "Fine, and don't pout. You look like an idiot." He laughed as he went and walked first. Jihoon frowned. 

 

Speaking of, what errands did he run for, that was more important than meeting his bestfriend?  

 

Okay, he was being selfish. He was using the  _bestfriend card_ again or as Donghan liked to sub it as  _'jealousy'_ or something. But, he couldn't help it. It was the only way Jihoon can do what he wants with Woojin. But he noticed that he was using it so much this past few days. Woojin was... being weird, even at school. Usually, they had lunch together at the rooftop but Woojin was always out of sight last week. They even go together when going home but lately, Woojin always had 'practice' for dance club. And Jihoon asked Donghan if they even had practice, which they didn't. 

 

_'Was he lying?'_

 

_'Why?'_

 

_'Am I that unimportant now? Is that why he never tells me his plans?'_

 

_'Did.. he found someone else already?'_

 

The last thought broke Jihoon's heart. It was possible Woojin can find somebody else already, seeing there were a lot of people confessing to him, especially on Valentine's Day. He was famous, being the president of the dance club and being that hot on stage.  _If he did, then, wouldn't he tell me?_ After all,

 

Jihoon was still Woojin's  _bestfriend._

 

 

* * *

 

 

_**i waited** _

_**i waited for the day i had the strength** _

_**the strength to finally confess my unspoken feelings** _

 

* * *

 

 

He knew waiting was an idiotic plan. Waiting for Woojin to do the first move when he doesn't even know if he liked him back. He even remembered how romantically-idiotic Woojin was. And so, he made a new resolve. He had to confess, he just had to. 

 

But...

 

_What if he doesn't accept my feelings?_

 

_What if he's straight?_

 

_What if I break our friendship?_

 

_I'm scared.._

 

Jihoon lied helplessly on his bed. He told himself to confess, but he just couldn't. He wouldn't. He felt so helpless at the moment, he didn't know what to do. Which was odd, he always knew what to do. And calling Donghan would be the most safest right now. He grabbed his phone beside him and started scrolling for Donghan's name. 

 

"What's up?"

 

"I want to confess." 

 

"Well, that was straightforward. Not even greeting me, rude." Donghan joked but Jihoon wasn't in the mood. "Help." He closed his eyes, not wanting to let another tear drop again. "Hold on, are you crying?" Donghan stopped, and Jihoon could actually imagine him frowning while on the phone. "Donghan, I don't know what to do." He hicupped. "I... I like him.. no, I love him so much. It's too painful to see him hate me, too painful to bet our friendship on the line just because I want to confess." He opened his eyes and a new set of fresh tears finally made their way on his rosy cheeks. "I don't want to break anything between me and Woojin. I'm scared, Donghan." He sobbed, almost uncontrollably before Donghan said, "I'm visiting you." so fast, Jihoon almost couldn't hear it before ending the call. He was glad that he had a friend like Donghan. 

 

He buried his face on the pillow, now a sobbing mess, while wishing for Donghan to get there faster. He just needed someone he can lean on right now. And as if his wish was granted, his bedroom door swung fast, and closed just as fast at it opened. He could feel someone pat his back, and there, Jihoon just lost it. He turned around, hugged Donghan and cried. He cried all the pain away. Letting Donghan hear his painful sobs, letting him see his most vulnerable state. He was sure Donghan would tease him about how ugly he looked like while crying but for now, he just wanted to forget. 

 

_He just wanted Woojin to like him back._

 

He was selfish, so be it.

 

* * *

 

He had calmed down after 5 minutes or so, Donghan went to get water so he can freshen up. He looked at his window, and looked at the house across them. It was Woojin's, they live right across each other but why did it feel like they were still far away. Jihoon's eyes widened as he saw Woojin's curtain open, revealing Woojin, himself. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As Woojin opened his curtain, he was shocked to see Jihoon, staring at his window with bloodshot eyes and he was sure that he was crying.  _Why are you crying?_ Instead, he hurried downstairs, opened their door and literally ran and knocked on Jihoon's house. "Oh!! Woojin!! Come inside!" Mrs. Park, or Jihoon's mother, said as he smiled. Her smile resembled Jihoon's, simple yet beaufitul. "Thank you." He said. "Is... is Jihoon here?" He asked. "Ah yes, he's at his room. His friend, Donghan, is also here so he might be at his room too."

 

Wait, Donghan? Why was he here? What was he doing? Did he know why Jihoon was crying? 

 

"Okay. I'll go then." He smiled and hurriedly went upstairs, and unto Jihoon's room. He was infront of the door, glaring at the new pair of shoes that was certainly Donghan's.  _Why is he here? I'm Jihoon's bestfriend, I should be the one comforting him. Not Donghan._ Wait, what? 

 

What was he so angry for? He should be grateful Donghan was comforting his  _bestfriend_ but there was something wrong. He just knew it should've been him by his side. He just knew it should've been him Jihoon was holding. He sighed and combed his hair with his hand. He knocked slowly on Jihoon's door, hearing a soft "come in", he opened it, revealing Jihoon still looking outside, while Donghan was seating at the side of the bed. "I'll get going then, Jihoon. Call me, okay?" Donghan smiled at Jihoon, standing up and walking towards the door. 

 

_"Don't hurt him more than you already did, Park Woojin."_

 

He blinked as he heard the door closed. Hurt him more than he already did? What was he implying? Did he hurt Jihoon? What was he saying? "What are you doing here?" Jihoon asked, his eyes still outside.  _What was he doing here?_

 

"I..."  _I was fucking worried because your eyes were red and you looked like crying and apparently, it was my fault. What happened? What did I do?_

 

He wanted to ask, but he kept his mouth shut. "Your eyes were puffy. Were... you crying?" Woojin asked softly while walking slowly towards Jihoon. "No." He said as he pursed his lips. It was a habit of him whem he was lying, Woojin can tell. "You're lying." He said, surprised for being straightforward. "I know." Jihoon laughed weakly, his eyes now darted towards his hands that were on his lap. "What... what's wrong?" Woojin tried to ask but Jihoon merely shooked his head. "It was nothing. Just... nothing." He looked at Woojin with teary eyes, he wanted to ask more. What did he do? What did Donghan mean? Why are you crying? 

 

Why did you say it's nothing when clearly, everything was wrong if you're crying like this? 

 

"Sorry I worried you. You must be busy, go home." He tried to joke, but guilt punched Woojin in the gut. He wasn't busy. He will never be busy, but lately, this past few weeks, he found himself  _avoiding_ Jihoon and hanging out with someone else instead. 

 

_Was that... why?_

 

"I'm sorry." He started, and Jihoon looked surprised as he looked at him in curiousity.  _What is he pologixing for?_ "These past few weeks, I..." he started and looked at Jihoon's eyes. "I was never busy. We didn't have club practices. I... I'm sorry, I did something wrong." He sighed as he saw Jihoon frown and looked outside the window again, avoiding Woojin's eyes. "I know." Jihoon started. "I know you've been avoiding me." He added. "Woojin, I'm your...  _bestfriend.._ at least tell me what's wrong." He started laughing weakly again. Woojin hated it. He hated how Jihoon looked so helpless right now, he wanted to hold him in his arms, whisper in his ears that there was nothing wrong. That they were okay. 

 

But he couldn't bring himself to. 

 

"I'm sorry." Was all he could do. How pathetic of him. "I know you found somebody else." Jihoon smiled, a smile he didn't know what was the meaning of. It wasn't his normal smile, it wasn't forced, it wasn't anything Jihoon ever gave him. "So, who's the lucky guy or girl that stole your heart?" It seemed genuine, which made Woojin confused. 

 

"He's..."  _you. You stole my heart._

 

"Ahn Hyungseob." 

 

* * *

 

 

_**was i too late?** _

_**was i too late to tell these unspoken feelings of mine?** _

_**did you grow tired of waiting for me?** _

 

* * *

 

 

Weeks passed since that conversation with Woojin, and Jihoon felt his world just crumble apart. Woojin had somebody else now, and he tried his best to avoid Woojin as much as possible. Waking up earlier than he usual does, just so he doesn't bump into Woojin when going to school. Eating lunch on the school garden instead of the rooftop, avoiding to walk near Woojin's classroom everytime, and leaving as soon as the last subject dismissed them. He had been doing this successfully, not until he saw Woojin at the front gate of their school. 

 

With someone else.

 

Holding hands.

 

Kissing.

 

He closed his eyes, wishing this was only a dream. A nightmare. He wanted to wake up, but he opened his eyes into reality. The reality that Park Woojin was kissing somebody else. The reality that Park Woojin didn't love him back. The reality that Park Woojin will never be his. 

 

And it hurts.

 

Until he felt warm hands cover his eyes and and held his hand. "Hey, it's me. Donghan." And he relaxed once he knew it was really Donghan. Jihoon squeezed his hand, "Don't look at them." He warned before removing his hand from Jihoon's eyes. He wanted to follow Donghan's advice so much, but he just couldn't. Not when he felt Woojin's stare linger on him. And there, he stared back at Woojin and found him staring at his and Donghan's entertwined hands. But soon, averted his gaze unto the boy he was kissing. Again, Jihoon closed his eyes. Not wanting to face the reality.

 

_He has someone else already, Jihoon. Accept it._

 

But he couldn't. He just couldn't. He still held on to the false hope he was giving to himself. Once they passed the couple, Jihoon let his tears drop and he can feel Donghan's hand tighteninf around his for comfort.

 

_It hurts, Donghan. It hurts so much._

 

 

* * *

 

 

_**i'm sorry** _

_**i'm sorry for the fact that i fell for you** _

_**but trust me, it was never my intention of doing so** _

 

* * *

 

 

They graduated from college. And it was exactly 1 year since Woojin stopped talking to him. Or rather, Jihoon stopped talking to Woojin. The latter reached out but was refused by Jihoon. He didn't want to talk to him. He couldn't. Not when he knew it was just gonna hurt himself even more if he did. Donghan was kind enough to be by his side until he has fully recovered. 

 

But he didn't even know if he can still recover. 

 

"Congratualation, hyung!" Guanlin, a new friend of his, said as he patted Jihoon's head. He was taller than Jihoon so it was easy for him to do so. "Stop patting me, I'm older than you." He glared softly at the younger boy. It was no denying that Jihoon had a soft spot for Guanlin. He was just too cute, and he treated him like Guanlin was his very own younger brother. And Guanlin was also dating Seonho, the cute art major. And they looked so cute together, Jihoon was jealous. 

 

_If only he felt the same._

 

Jihoon smiled at Guanlin, "visit me at my house often before I find a job, and bring Seonho and Jinyoung with you, okay?" He patted the younger's back. "We will, hyung!! And once you find a job, treat us to some restaurants!" He joked. "I will, don't worry." He laughed, but stopped once he saw Woojin...

 

Approaching them?

 

"Jihoon."  _That voice._

 

"What... do you need?" He managed to ask and forced a smile. "I need to talk to you." Woojin smiled back. The smile he missed so much. The smile he would pay a million dollars just to see. He felt the ice in his heart starting to melt once again. The ice he worked so hard to build, and yet so easy for him to break. "What for?" He snapped, but Woojin wasn't affected by how he behaved. "I just wanted to invite you to mine and Hyungseob's anniversarry party. Everyone's gonna be there, you can invite others too, if you'd like." 

 

"Okay. I'll try." But he knew he didn't have the strength to go. Not when he knew it would only hurt him even more. 

 

Not when he would see Woojin and Hyungseob together again.

 

* * *

 

 

**_but i hate the thought of me not liking you_ **

**_i hate the thought of you not liking me_ **

**_i hate the thought of you being with somebody else_ **

**_why can't it be me?_ **

**_call me selfish, but that's what love do._ **

 

**_-anon_ **


	2. Unrequitedly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He didn't want to get his hopes up again. He didn't want the walls he built so hard around his heart easily crumble. He never wanted to get hurt again.
> 
> But he guessed fate hated him so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was never my intention to make jihoon hurt this much iM SORRY FORGIVE ME ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ

_**why can't it be me?** _

_**why can't i own your heart like how he did?** _

_**was i no good for you?** _

 

* * *

 

Woojin's and Hyungseob's anniversarry party is just in 3 days. Jihoon liked the idea of a party, in fact, he once held a party when his parent's were away for a week. But he never liked the idea of seeing Woojin with Hyungseob though. The last time he saw them was when they were kissing at the gate. And now that he noticed, why at the gate anyway? 

 

_Maybe fate just liked to hurt him so fate tried to hurt him by slapping him some reality check successfully._

 

He sighed as he saw Hyungseob go inside Woojin's house for the 4th time this week. He had been visiting Woojin everyday since graduation. He closed his curtains and layed down on his bed. He felt his phone vibrate as his text ringtone sounded through his empty room. Sitting staight up again, he picked his phone and read the message from Guanlin.

 

**From: Linlin**

**Message: Hyung, are you going to the party? I already invited Seonho and Jinyoung. You should come too, after all, Woojin hyung invited you too.**

 

He sighed. He didn't want to go, but seeing Guanlin already invited Seonho and Jinyoung, he didn't wanf to disappoint the younger one. 

 

**To: Linlin**

**Yeah, I'm coming.**

 

Maybe, he'll just escape and go somewhere else. 

 

* * *

 

 

_**but you're so happy with him** _

_**and my heart yearns for your happiness** _

_**i want to let go** _

 

* * *

 

 

2 days before the party, Jihoon found a job at a nearby cafe. He figured to start small, but dream big. He already planned out his future well enough, and with his parent's money that was supposed to be for his college (he did scolarship and passed, earning him 100% paid school fee, including books and requirements), he predicted he can have a stable life once he was out of his parent's house. 

 

Jihoon liked this job, actually. He had always loved the aroma of coffees, there weren't too many costumers since it was still summer. But there was some teachers and some college students that ordered and sat to work on their stuffs. 

 

 _"Let me work in peace, Woojin."_ He stopped cleaning the counter where they made their products. He looked up to see Ahn Hyungseob with a clinging Park Woojin in his back. It was a sweet sight to see, it hurted him. He pursed his lips, Woojin looked happy. 

 

_Even happier when he was with me._

 

Jihoon blinked to keep the tears in place as he ignored the couple and continued cleaning the countertop. It was just 5 more minutes until he had his break. "Oh? Jihoon! You work here?" He flinched and stopped what he was doing. He looked to where Hyungseob was, forced a smile and answered a quick "Yes." 

 

"Then, we'd like to order from you!" Hyungseob smiled. Hyungseob was a sweet boy, he was near perfect. He had a stable life, a heir to a stable company, smart, talented, most of all, he was handsome and cute. Most of all, he had  _Park Woojin._

 

Somethings Jihoon were missing. 

 

"Uh." He blinked, it was actually his break now and he wished that someone,  _anyone_ would save him in this situation. Don't get him wrong, he doesn't hold any grudges against the boy. _W_ _hatever made Woojin happy._ But right now, whem he saw them being cuddly with each other and how Woojin was staring at him, no. He can't. "Hey, Jihoon. You can go back now, it's my... turn?" He heard Donghan pause, the last word sounding like a question. 

 

It was actually Donghan who got him this job. He was working here part-time during college, invited Jihoon to work here and the latter accepeted it. "Oh, Woojin, Hyungseob. Fancy meeting you here." Jihoon swore he could hear venom in Donghan's voice when he recited Woojin's name. He couldn't blame him, he was just being his over-protective friend. "Hey, Donghan hyung!" Hyungseob greeted. "Donghan." Woojin greeted so blandly as his eyes gazed over Donghan with something Jihoon can't really decipher. He gulped and grabbed Donghan's arms, as if asking for help and on cue, Donghan said, "Jihoon will have his break, order from me instead." He silently thanked Donghan and hurriedly went at the staffs' restroom. 

 

It's been more than 1 year now, and yet his feelings for a certain Park Woojin didn't change. 

 

* * *

 

 

**_oh, how much i want to let you go_ **

**_how much i want to let this feeling go_ **

**_but i couldn't, i was too stupid to give false hope to myself_ **

****

* * *

 

 

Tomorrow. He had to decide tomorrow. Tomorrow's the party, he already asked Donghan if he was going and said 'heck no, i might punch woojin' and it was enough to make Jihoon sigh. One would say, it's only right to go to your  _bestfriend's_ anniversarry party but heck, he didn't even know if they're still  _friends._

 

He really didn't want to go, but he already gave his words to Guanlin. He can't ditch the poor kid. That would just be plain mean, and Donghan would literally fire his ass if he did. "Jihoon, dear, Woojinie is here!" Woojin? What? He was here?

 

"Did you mean Donghan?" He shouted back, furrowing his brows, secretly wishing it was Donghan and his mother got confused. But there was no way she'll get confused with Woojin and Donghan. "No, it's Woojinie!" He froze in his spot on his bed. What was he doing here?  _What is he doing here?_ He scrumbled to his feet and hurriedly opened his door, only to be met by a familiar chest and scent. 

 

"Uh, hi?" Woojin greeted awkwardly.  _"_ Hel..lo." Jihoon stuttered as he felt embarrased. It was a good thing he had his hood on. "Uhm, come in." He awkwardly stepped to the side, allowing Woojin to enter his room after a year. He closed the door and bit his lips nervously. He didn't know why Woojin was here, was there something he needed?  _But Jihoon missed the way Woojin would burst inside Jihoon's room like it was his own too._ Woojin's head snapped at the frame next to the picture of his family.

 

_It was a picture of them during high school graduation._

 

Jihoon mentally cursed himself for keeping it. Next to it was the bracelet Jihoon got from Woojin for his birthday last year. "You still have it." Woojin stated, it wasn't a question, while smiling softly. Jihoon looked down, unable to say anything, instead, he went straight to the point. "Why are you here? Did you need something?" He asked, making sure his voice doesn't crack. Woojin turned around, facing Jihoon. "Right, uh.." he started. "Tomorrow's the party and I was wondering if you and your friends are coming?" 

 

_Of course. What else did you expect, Jihoon?_

 

"We are. Now, can you leave? I need some rest." That sounded more harsh and cold as he saw hurt flash in Woojin's eyes, but he figured it was just his imagination as Woojin smiled and said, "Rest well." He went out the room and Jihoon collapsed on his bed. He didn't even do anythimg but he felt so tired after the conversation with Woojin. He pursed his lips, closed his eyes, wanting to sleep and never wake up.

 

He wished that there was still somewhere in Woojin's heart that Jihoon owned. But it was all for Hyungseob, not him.  _Never him._

 

 

* * *

 

 

**_confused_ **

**_my mind told me to let go_ **

**_but my heart still yearns for you_ **

 

* * *

 

 

"Hyung, you're here!!" Guanlin smiled as Seonho clung unto him. "Hyung!" Jinyoung smiled, "I found Daehwi here." He grinned as he pointed at Daehwi who waved at them. "Hey, kids." He smiled. He planned to just stay for 3 or 5 minutes and then have his escape. But he was shocked when he saw Donghan in the crowd. "I thought you weren't coming?" He said as he looked at him with eyebrows up in a silent question. "Well, I was worried about you. I know you so well, Park Jihoon." His eyes glinted with concern as he looked at the side. "I'm guessing Hyungseob isn't here yet. Woojin's still with Jisung hyung." Jihoon breathed out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

 

"I didn't ask."

 

"But you looked relieved when I said that."

 

"Shut up."

 

He pursed his lips and sat beside Jinyoung, who was currently talking with Daehwi, and Donghan sat beside him. "So, what's your plan?" Donghan asked as he took a glass of cola and drank it. "Escape from this party after some minutes." He whispered and hoped Donghan can hear if from the loud music. "Cool." He grinned. "Might want to escape now though." He whispered back as he slung an arm around Jihoon, taking him by surprise. He was about to shout at Donghan for surprising him but stopped when he heard a familiar voice,  _too familiar,_ that even from the loud music, he can clearly hear it.

 

"Hey, Jihoon." It was Woojin. He looked up to see Woojin, in all his black glory, wearing an all black with a black leather jacket and  _fuck he looked so hot._

 

"Hey." He awkwardly greeted back, avoiding the said person and focusing his gaze somewhere else. "Glad you came." He smiled. The smile Jihoon  _missed so fucking much._ It showed his snaggletooth. "Yeah." He breathed out and took a glass of beer. "Anyway, enjoy the party with your friends and..." he paused, "date." 

 

_Date? Oh._

 

Donghan's arm was still on his shoulder. "Ugh, Donghhan get off. You're heavy!" He pushed the arm away and saw Woojin's smile grow bigger. He didn't ask why, though. 

 

_But somewhere, he wished that he smiled because he was glad Donghan and him weren't dating._

 

* * *

 

 

_**a singer once sung** _

_**how can i move on** _

_**if i'm still in love you?** _

_**but the problem is** _

_**i don't want to move on** _

_**i want to keep loving you, unrequitedly** _

 

_**-anon** _

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hit me up on twt and let's talk abt 2park @wsmkhjc_ and leave anon hates on my cc bye


	3. Finally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Did it mean anything to you?"
> 
> "Yes, it did. It mean everything to me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AJSJKSKSJDJMDNDKDLKWJSJJSMF IDK BUT I LOVE THIS CHAPTER JAJSJJDKDKCJJCJVJF

_**this foolishly regret-filled song** _  
_**i hope it reaches the sky** _  
_**my prayer that spent all night in tears** _  
_**i hope it reaches your heart** _

  

He didn't know why, but ever since Jihoon started ignoring him, he felt.. alone. Which wasn't the case. He was fine with Hyungseob, but since this month, Hyungseob started to get... weird? He didn't know, he never asked. He figured it was just family problems. But he found himself thinking of Jihoon, how he missed the other boy's company, how he missed those times they were still friends. 

 

He remembered how they were  _so happy_ when they were younger. How Jihoon's eyes would make a crescent shape everytime he smiled and laughed, how his tongue would stick between his teeth when he smiled, how cute his laugh sounded, how we would cover his mouth with his oversized sweater. He always liked oversized sweaters, especially colorful ones. 

 

_"You're thinking about him, again."_

 

 **_i was young, i didn’t know I’d be like this_ **  
**_i thought it was a given back then_ **  
**_the smile you left behind_ **  
**_still remains in my heart_ **

 

"Sorry." Woojin apologized as he felt Hyungseob sigh, he held his hand only for Hyungseob to reject his touch. "It's our anniversarry, Woojin. At least stop thinking about him." He stood up and left him alone to recollect his thoughts. Woojin closed his eyes, trying to clear his head but all he can see was Jihoon.

 

_Jihoon. Jihoon. Jihoon._

 

And then he remembered Donghan's word. 

 

_"Don't hurt him more than you already did."_

 

He thought about it everyday, wanting to know what Donghan actually meant. It made Woojin feel like he was an idiot.  _Jihoon was hurting and he didn't even know it._ It made him feel so stupid. What could possibly hurt him? What could he have possibly done to hurt Jihoon? 

 

It scared him. It scared him to think Jihoon had left him, it made him feel alone. A year had passed and evem with Hyungseob's company, he felt alone. Uncomplete. He missed those days he spent with Jihoon, laughing at the simplest thing, bickering about the smallest thing, seeing Jihoon laugh when he did something stupid. 

 

He missed all of it. He misses Park Jihoon.

 

 **_honestly, i think i still need to receive love_ **  
**_the longer i’m left alone_ **  
**_the more afraid I get_ **  
**_i miss those days, i miss you so much_ **

 

Once he saw Jihoon walking out of the door, he stood up immediately, thinking to follow him, to patch things up, but he remembered Hyungseob. 

 

 _"Go."_ He heard a sigh from behind, realizing it was Hyungseob, he was confused. "Woojin, I'm not stupid. I know you're heart has never been with me in the first place. It was his' to claim and I was too stupid to steal it. Go, Woojin. Fix the mess, realize your feelings before it's too late." With this, Hyungseob smiled warmly, genuinely. It was enough for Woojin to nod and run outside and follow Jihoon. 

 

"You did the right thing." Hyungseob heard. "I know, I'm just.." He pursed his lips, not wanting to shed a single tear. He felt warmth fron behind, it was Euiwoong hugging him. "I did the right thing..." he whispered.  

 

_After all, it wasn't his heart to claim. I'm returning what I stole, Park Jihoon. And I hope you can take care of him, love him more than I did._

 

 **_i miss you so much_ **  
**_now i finally feel our space_ **  
**_i miss you so much_ **  
**_tears are falling like this_ **  
**_but why didn’t i know?_ **

 

He went outside, ignoring the calls from his hyung, asking what was wrong. He looked at Jihoon's small figure that was already too far for him to reach. Too far for him to hold. Too far for him to touch. He ran, he ran fast as he saw Jihoon walk across the street as soon as the streetlights turned green. And just Woojin's luck, it had become red once he was about to run across. He kept his eyes on the yellow sweater, not wanting to lose him.  _Not again._ He squinted his eyes, Jihoon was already too far again.  _Damn this streetlight!_

 

He ran fast, merely avoiding people who were going home in midnight. They were surrounded by a lot of people, it was rush hour, it was expected people were going home at this time of the day. He cursed under his breath as he could barely see yellow.  _He lost Jihoon, again._ He gritted his teeth in annoyance, as he escaped the crowd. He finally saw Park Jihoon, alone, walking to who knows where. 

 

"Park Jihoon!!" He called out as he stopped running. Jihoon stopped in his tracks, shocked, a mix of emotions were in his system, he thought he was hearing things. But when he turned around, he saw Park Woojin.

 

Woojin ran after him.  _Why?_

 

"What... are you doing here?" He muttered as he stood, frozen in his place as Woojin catches his breathe. Woojin walked closer, held Jihoon's hand and pulled him in a hug. 

 

In an instant, Jihoon felt all the walls in his heart crumble.  _All the hardwork in building walls and ice in his heart, went down to waste with Woojin hugging him._ He felt the warmth he missed, the hands that held his hands as if they were fragile.  _He missed this. He missed him. But he remembered, he wasn't his._

 

"Woojin, stop..." Jihoon whispered so weak, Woojin's heart shattered at how vulnerable Jihoon sounded. "You.. you have Hyungseob. Today's your anniversarry and-" 

 

 

 _**so beautiful beautiful** _  
_**you’re more beautiful than anyone else** _  
_**so don’t be sick, don’t cry** _  
_**if you can hear this song for you** _  
_**come back to me** _

_**oh I miss you, I miss you** _  
_**seeing myself standing alone in the mirror** _  
_**it’s strange and i’m afraid, i need you** _  
_**i hate myself for realizing this now** _  
_**come back to me** _

 

Woojin cut him off with a kiss. 

 

It was soft, but it was filled with  _so much love they kept hidden._ Jihoon's lips were soft and warm against Woojin's. His hands snaked around Jihoon's small waist as he felt Jihoon's arms on his neck, hands on his hair while tip-toeing to deepen the kiss. Eventually, the pulled apart to catch their breathes. Jihoon's hands slowly made their way on Woojin's chest, his head leaning on it as Woojin pulled him closer. 

 

"Did... that mean anything?" Jihoon silently asked. "It did, Jihoon. It meant everything to me." He whispered as he pulled away from the hug, cupping Jihoon's now rosy cheeks and leaning closer. It was night time, but it made Jihoon more ethereal. 

 

His face was illuminating, his rosy cheeks adding more effects, his eyes twinkling- reflecting the moon, his eyelashes batting as he blinked the tears away. "Don't cry, please. I'm sorry." He rested his forehead on Jihoon's, as he wiped the tear that escaped Jihoon's eyes. "I'm sorry for being stupid. I'm sorry... for everything. For hurting you. For being too late to realize how much you meant." He looked intently on Jihoon's eyes with so much  _love in them._

 

_"I love you, Park Jihoon. I always had."_

 

He said as traced a thumb at Jihoon's red lips, before leaning in and kissing him with more love than the first. Jihoon responded by kissing him back, and Woojin knew his reply. 

 

_"I love you too, Park Woojin. I always had and I always will, you idiot."_

 

 

* * *

 

 

_**i love you** _

_**it felt nice hearing this words from you** _

_**it felt nice to finally have you in my arms, all for myself** _

 

* * *

 

 

They went back home, hands entertwined with each other which Woojin found  _perfect._ They were quiet, and Woojin allowed Jihoon to sort out his thoughts, squeezing his hand which was loosening it's grip every now and then, just to remind him that  _he's here, he's finally his to hold._ And Jihoon would grip tighter, making Woojin's heart beat faster. He regretted only realizing it so late, but he was happy. Once they were at the door of Jihoon's home (Jihoon said he didn't want to go back to the party), Woojin held both of his hands, gently, bringing it up to his face and kissing his knuckles. Letting go of the other one, his free hand made it's way to Jihoon's now blushing cheeks. 

 

"I love you, okay?" He reminded. "Don't lock your window later." He grinned as Jihoon nodded, fully understanding what it meant. Woojin leaned in and kissed him gently, before breaking away and saying, "I have to go and explain why I left the party to Jisung hyung. Wash your body, take some sleep, wait for me, okay?" 

 

"I.. will." 

 

"I love you."

 

"I love you too." 

 

A grin made its way to Woojin's lips,  _it felt nice to finally hear those words. To finally say those words. To finally hold him in my arms._

 

* * *

 

_**at last, i can hold you in my arms** _

_**i can tell you how much i love you** _

_**how much you mean the world to me** _

_**how much i don't want to ever let you go** _

_**i lost you once** _

_**and i'm not ready to lose you again** _

_**i love you, dearly** _

_**-anon** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hIT ME UP ON TWT @WSMKHJC_ TO SEE MY FUTURE WORKS AND SUCH AND SEND ANON HATE ON MY CC BYEEEJAJSKSK

**Author's Note:**

> so hit me up on twt @wsmkhjc_ and send me anon hates and throw me tables and tomatoes for this on my cc bcs it's def what i deserve


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